Trying to find myself again...

I want to find myself again and get back on track. I lost that all at the end of January 2020/beginning of February 2020, when I lost a room in a part of Richmond I was doing well in and had a job I was doing well in... I then had my first ever breakdown and scared my best friend (who I consider family).

I just haven't been able to find how to get back on track and find myself again and every time I think I have something shows me I'm not again and it hurts so much and is so stressful. I hate it so much. It makes me numb and lost and confused...I'm having nightmares when I'm able to sleep... I can't focus... I'm not doing well at my current job because of all this and am so close to just walking away from everything until I can figure out how to find myself and get back on track again and not lose everything again.

Because of what I'm currently dealing with I lost a really good friend (who I consider a sister) and I'm close to losing my best friend ) who I consider my family). I don't want to keep losing family because I can't find myself. I'm really trying to find myself I just am looking in the wrong places and making bad decisions while doing so. I want to stop looking in the wrong places and making those bad decisions because I don't want to go down that road again when I've worked so hard to make my dreams come true by being in Richmond, having a job, being more independent, being more happy, getting closer to driving and owning a car for the first time ever, actually having money saved up. I've gotten rid of quite a few bad habits and am working on getting rid of a few others that I'm struggling with again because I can't get myself back on track yet.