I'm numb and lost 😔💔 - My Papa (4/19/23) & my mom (4/20/20) 😔💔

I'm numb and trying to process the loss of my Papa yesterday (4/19/23) and also still trying to deal with my mom's passing as well (she passed away on 4/20/20) so I'm kinda lost and having trouble dealing with both right now 😔💔 It was already hitting me for my mom early this week and the loss of my Papa yesterday makes dealing with my mom's passing even harder this year 😔💔

My Papa passed away today - 4/19/23

This isn't an easy post for me to make right now. But I got the news that my amazing Papa that you see 👀 her in these pictures 📷 one of my birthday 🎂 memories in this video 📹 here: https://youtube.com/shorts/m3pUy8jqdyU?feature=share just passed away this evening 😔💔 He would be 85 next month (May 29th). But he can now be with his wife (my G-ma Sally) again (he's been without her for 11 years now). So that is good to know they are together again. I love 💘 you Papa and miss you so very much. I will see 👀 you again soon 💞 

Visit with my Papa from Monday

As you can see from the picture, I got to visit my Papa at the rehab place he is at yesterday, this was actually my second visit with him since he has been there for a week and a day as of today, but I didn't have his room number till Saturday *sighs*

However, he slept most of the visit I had with him on Saturday, but the visit with him yesterday he was up and moving the whole time *smiles* I loved hanging out with him, but it is hard trying to think of conversations, since he can't talk to much :/ He can only say a few words, so I try to talk about things that he can respond too, but that is hard to do at times.

I did like the fact that I got a bit of a better tour of the rehab from him, yesterday. I found out there are a couple of day rooms to hang out with him in and an internet cafe, that has a coffee knook in it, which we both love *smiles* I also found out that there is a court yard in the middle, that has doors unlocked so that you can go in and out freely with the residents there, because if you take them to the front porch, the nurses have to know and they have to unlock the doors for you.

But with all the good things during the visit, I did find out that my Papa does have alot more work to do, to be able to come home again *sighs* I just hope he realizes it, because I would rather have him at home, then in a rehab place, where he seems too be happy, but also depressed :(

It's been a long week

Since I live close by to my Papa, and he has regressed as of two Sunday's ago, and needs round the clock care right now. I have been stressed, more so last week because I was there Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. My hours were longer then normal because of it. However this week I worked my normal days and hours give or take an hour because of having to wait till the high school girl got there to watch my Papa after me, but he did fine on Tuesday, however today (March 6, 2014), we dealt with him falling and I had to hit his life alert button and have them get the paramedics out to help get him up. Not sure how long it took for them to get there, but it felt like forever!!! As I waited with him for the paramedics to get there, I dealt with a flashback about how strong and independent he was before his stroke on December 12, 2004, and how weak and dependent he is on people now. Don't get me wrong, he can do some things on his own on his good days, but on his bad days, he depends on people more then he probably likes too and I know it frustrates and stresses him out. It frustrates and stresses me out too, because it is hard on me too, when he is having bad days. I know if it was me in his situation I couldn't do it. I wouldn't want to depend on people like he has too. It isn't a fun way to live. However, I have respect for him because it is hard to live like he does. I also am glad he is still around, because after my Grandma Sally passed away on May 9, 2012, I didn't think he would last long. Only because most couples that are older, don't last long after their husband or wife passes. I love my Papa and am ready for him to get back to having good days again, because if he doesn't that is going to make him end up in a nursing home again and I don't want to see him in one again because that would depress him so much more and frustrate him so much more. I just needed to vent a bit and reflect on the last couple weeks. I am hoping next week is a better week for my Papa :)

Crochetghan I am working of my G-ma for my Papa

This is what I got started on last night.

 

It is for a Christmas gift.

 

It is a memorial piece for my G-ma Sally Sunderland who passed away on May 9, 2012!

 

 

It is done in single crochet.

 

I did 6 rows of the light blue as an edging and on the sides there will be at least 6 stitches as well for a border.

 

I am thinking it is going to be a wall hanging rather then a blanket because of how I have to do it so I don't distort the image.

 

Birthday gifts

I got these today from Barnes and Noble with the $50 gift card I got from my Papa for my birthday this year :)