Its not enough anymore right now...

*shakes head* 

I'm back again...this time to write about what's bothering me and clear my mind just a little bit so I don't get close to breaking down. 

Kinda lost job wise right now...needing some help figuring out how to work out days between two part time jobs...

So, right now I currently work the one part time job (really close to quitting, but that isn't what this post is about) I currently have open availability at it, but I seriously need a second part time job (not just picking up any free hours from another Dollar Tree because I can't go over 40 total hours in a week :( even if it is a different distract) So, I'm looking into seeing about getting a second part time job, but I don't know the best way to make the days work out between the two jobs... so how do I split the days between the two jobs once I find a second part time job??? Assuming I can't find another full time job and have to deal with two part time jobs to make a full time job income for a little while work. Because I'm tired of not making enough money and having to stay under 40 hours a week between working two stores when I need the money coming in to pay bills and other needs like getting my moped fixed, getting a new phone, paying back a friend that I owe money too, building a savings again, etc... 

Trying to find myself again...

I want to find myself again and get back on track. I lost that all at the end of January 2020/beginning of February 2020, when I lost a room in a part of Richmond I was doing well in and had a job I was doing well in... I then had my first ever breakdown and scared my best friend (who I consider family).

I just haven't been able to find how to get back on track and find myself again and every time I think I have something shows me I'm not again and it hurts so much and is so stressful. I hate it so much. It makes me numb and lost and confused...I'm having nightmares when I'm able to sleep... I can't focus... I'm not doing well at my current job because of all this and am so close to just walking away from everything until I can figure out how to find myself and get back on track again and not lose everything again.

Because of what I'm currently dealing with I lost a really good friend (who I consider a sister) and I'm close to losing my best friend ) who I consider my family). I don't want to keep losing family because I can't find myself. I'm really trying to find myself I just am looking in the wrong places and making bad decisions while doing so. I want to stop looking in the wrong places and making those bad decisions because I don't want to go down that road again when I've worked so hard to make my dreams come true by being in Richmond, having a job, being more independent, being more happy, getting closer to driving and owning a car for the first time ever, actually having money saved up. I've gotten rid of quite a few bad habits and am working on getting rid of a few others that I'm struggling with again because I can't get myself back on track yet.