Its not enough anymore right now...

*shakes head* 

I'm back again...this time to write about what's bothering me and clear my mind just a little bit so I don't get close to breaking down. 

Stressing out about my job situation again...

So, I'm kinda in a pickle at work again and now feel like I'm going to lose my job again, based on what the stocking manager told me she was going to start doing with stockers. She is going to start writing them up for not stocking 25 boxes an hour (on a normal stocking day) as well as write ups for things not being put on the correct uboats and pallets on truck day.

So, based on what she said yesterday, she most likely wrote me up, because I had a uboat that had 57 boxes on it...meaning it should have taken me 2 and a half hours to complete it. But it took me my entire shift. Meaning because I'm on super thin ice at work because of previous write ups... I'm going to lose my job with a write up for not stocking boxes fast enough now.

I shouldn't let this get to me, but it is. I shouldn't be overthinking, but I am. I am the one that kinda put myself in this position, because of a post I made on the Dollar Tree reddit page asking for the number to report violations annousmously and my store manager saw it and asked me about it. So, I ended up telling her what I felt like were violations through text and told her I was just getting the number in case I wasn't confident enough to go to her about them yet and that I hadn't called anything in...she said I could if I wanted to though... I mentioned that I wanted to come to her first which is why I was waiting to call. I did mention to her about what the stocking manager said and how now I feel like I'm going to lose my job because of a write up from her and how I really don't want that to happen. She didn't reply to that yet, but to be fair yesterday was Thanksgiving. But I did mention to her how I wanted to just be put on truck days instead if it means I have less chance to lose my job from being wrote up for not stocking enough boxes an hour. I hate it though, because I really need more then 5 hours a week at work. 25 hours at work has actually brought me in enough money to pay bills and save some money as well, but now I'm going to lose that if I lose my job for another write up or go back to just 5 hours a week. I mentioned how I would like better training on how to know how many boxes an hour I'm stocking an hour before I would feel comfortable stocking again and not worrying about being wrote up and losing my job.

I love stocking as a job. I want to continue working stocking. I actually do like working at Dollar Tree (in particuallary the store I'm working at because of the employees and most costumers I know because they come in all the time).

But *sighs* I'm stressing out and feeling like I'm going to be fired before my vacation in a few days or if I somehow get lucky and don't lose my job and just lose hours (even though they have hours because of the holiday) I'm going to be upset because I need more then 5 hours a week...25 hours a week has been amazing to have this past month...

Anyways, I need to finish getting ready for work this morning... I just needed to get this out... because it has me stressing out and crying... and I've had a super crappy week in general and have just been kinda quiet and hiding and avoiding people.

Why??? 👀🤔😕

Why am I afraid to take the step to find a better job?? 

Is it because I'm afraid of losing the one I have currently?? 

Is it because I'm afraid if I do find a new job and don't like it or lose it, then I'll be jobless and am afraid to be in that position again??

Is it because I'm just kinda comfortable at my current job (with or without hours for part-time work)??

Is it because I am now realizing I have too much to lose if I lose my current job and a new job doesn't work out, then I'll lose everything I've worked for in Richmond?? 

How do I convince myself to take that next step again and find a job that pays me what my time and experience is worth?? 

*sighs*

Wishing I could talk to my G-ma Sally for advice

I wish my G-ma Sally was still around to talk to. I could use her advice for the situation I'm in currently. 

I know what the right thing to do is, but I'm not ready to do it yet. I'm scared of doing it and losing everything (my safety net) and then not having anything if things don't work out. 

I'm postponing doing what I need to do with this situation until I prove to myself I will be ok without losing everything (my safety net). 

My exciting day yesterday 🙃🤦‍♀️

My exciting day yesterday 2/11/23

1) I had a customer think she gave me a $5 bill and that I owed her $4 when she gave me a $1... so the manager had to do an audit to verify who was correct and I was, but the lady was still going on how she was owed $4 and I was wrong and she wanted the number for the regional manager to complain...

Otherwise I was over $0.11 today.

2) Can't talk about on here

3) I have another kidney stone

Remembering my Mom's (Valerie Francis) life today

Today is the 2nd year now that my Mom Valerie Francis has been gone and it's something I'm struggling dealing with still. My best friend Brian Croxford gave me this idea 💡 yesterday and I want to give it a try today and see if it starts to help me remember her life and how I was greatful for the memories I have with her ❤ 

I'm going to start with one from 2015 when we went to the tournament of kings show at the Excalibur in Vegas. It was my first time. I can't remember the section we sat in right off hand, but we were in the front row and before the show started I made sure we got a photo together ❤ you can see that below ❤ We shared a bucket of beer 🍺 a few each and had dinner during the show (which the staff had to come take our plates after the horses kicked dirt up at us and it landed on them) my Mom shared parts of her dinner with me that she didn't like and wasn't going to eat. We got a dessert as well (I can't remember what it was now, but it was good as well). The section we sat in didn't win. But it was a great show, great food, and most importantly to me great memories with my Mom ❤❤❤ Thank you for those memories ❤❤❤ They mean alot to me 🥰🥰🥰

So many thoughts and things on my mind...

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My to do list for December 4, 2012

I want to try and get more organized in my daily life, so I figured writing out a to do list will help with that along with helping me NOT procrastinate anymore, which is something I want to work on. I will keep you updated with how this works out as I progress through my to do list posts from now on.

Tomorrow I want to get the following done:

~ Write out grocery list.
~ Clean up boxes in dining room (Meaning go through them and keep what I need and throw away what I don't need).
~ Clean off dinning room table to make room for sewing machine and material for the fabric books for my nephew Wyatt's Christmas gifts.
~ Wrap gifts that I have for family and friends and mark names off on paper who I have gifts wrapped for, that way I can tell if I need to pick up a gift for someone else.
~ Clean off computer desk
~ Put clean dishes away
~ Put dirty dishes in dishwasher


I think that is it for now, I will keep you all updated as I work my way through this tomorrow as well as if I add anything else to the list because of finishing it or not being able to finish an item, but putting a new one in it's place.

Blog update and real life update...

Well, first off I UPDATED my blog by giving it a new background template and adding some new boxes on the right side of my blog posts to let you know what PTC site I own, what ones pay, what search and win sites I am on, and sites that I am testing out to see if they pay :)

Also, Pam (my step-mom's mom) came over to use my computer today because the libary was closed and she doesn't have internet at home right now... she had to talk to one of her "sugar daddy's" and he bought her a pizza, wings, and sandwich at Domino's so she asked if I wanted to go with her to get it and I said yes, that way I could get my Safelink minutes and just get out of the house for a little bit... It was NICE out today and still is considering it is 79*F outside right now at 5:54pm :)

Anyways, I got some dishes washed and threw away some stuff and organized some stuff in my bedroom and my computer room today too :) Going to work on it more later tonight and then tomorrow because its showed me how much I've missed it looking nice and organized *sighs*

Also, Valerie (my mom) got an e-mail saying the check she is waiting for to send me, my sister Seana, Scott (Seana's husband), and Hayden (Seana & Scott's son) out to Vegas will be sent to her soon, which means that she will be giving me dates for when I will be going out there for a week, but before I go out there I am going to be going to Richmond, VA to visit Brian (my BDSM Daddy) and then go agian to visit him and my friend Jen, who will be driving from NJ, to have some playtime & discipline & drinking for a night or two :D