Stressing out about my job situation again...

So, I'm kinda in a pickle at work again and now feel like I'm going to lose my job again, based on what the stocking manager told me she was going to start doing with stockers. She is going to start writing them up for not stocking 25 boxes an hour (on a normal stocking day) as well as write ups for things not being put on the correct uboats and pallets on truck day.

So, based on what she said yesterday, she most likely wrote me up, because I had a uboat that had 57 boxes on it...meaning it should have taken me 2 and a half hours to complete it. But it took me my entire shift. Meaning because I'm on super thin ice at work because of previous write ups... I'm going to lose my job with a write up for not stocking boxes fast enough now.

I shouldn't let this get to me, but it is. I shouldn't be overthinking, but I am. I am the one that kinda put myself in this position, because of a post I made on the Dollar Tree reddit page asking for the number to report violations annousmously and my store manager saw it and asked me about it. So, I ended up telling her what I felt like were violations through text and told her I was just getting the number in case I wasn't confident enough to go to her about them yet and that I hadn't called anything in...she said I could if I wanted to though... I mentioned that I wanted to come to her first which is why I was waiting to call. I did mention to her about what the stocking manager said and how now I feel like I'm going to lose my job because of a write up from her and how I really don't want that to happen. She didn't reply to that yet, but to be fair yesterday was Thanksgiving. But I did mention to her how I wanted to just be put on truck days instead if it means I have less chance to lose my job from being wrote up for not stocking enough boxes an hour. I hate it though, because I really need more then 5 hours a week at work. 25 hours at work has actually brought me in enough money to pay bills and save some money as well, but now I'm going to lose that if I lose my job for another write up or go back to just 5 hours a week. I mentioned how I would like better training on how to know how many boxes an hour I'm stocking an hour before I would feel comfortable stocking again and not worrying about being wrote up and losing my job.

I love stocking as a job. I want to continue working stocking. I actually do like working at Dollar Tree (in particuallary the store I'm working at because of the employees and most costumers I know because they come in all the time).

But *sighs* I'm stressing out and feeling like I'm going to be fired before my vacation in a few days or if I somehow get lucky and don't lose my job and just lose hours (even though they have hours because of the holiday) I'm going to be upset because I need more then 5 hours a week...25 hours a week has been amazing to have this past month...

Anyways, I need to finish getting ready for work this morning... I just needed to get this out... because it has me stressing out and crying... and I've had a super crappy week in general and have just been kinda quiet and hiding and avoiding people.

Stressed out about when my lease ends at the end of June 2023

I really want my next place to be a long-term place I can call home and not have to worry about moving after a few months to a year. It isn't fun, it is stressful. My current lease ends at the end of June 2023 (my birthday 🎂 month) and I'm pretty sure I have to move when it ends, because the owners were talking about how they wanted to sell it before I moved in, but decided not to only because of the one roommate upstairs that wanted to stay here for her last year of college. I wish I had a friend (just one) that would be willing to get an apartment together for a couple years so I felt like I had a home again. I'm trying to figure out my realistic goals to work on the next few months (this year) that will get me ready for when my lease ends at the end of June. One of those has to be saving up the money to move, saving up the money for the next down payment on the next room (want something more then that though), and start looking for a new place/room now to see what's out there now. I need to try and avoid being close to my lease ending and not having a place till the last minute (like this last time) or not having a place at all (like in 2020). I don't want to be homeless or close to being homeless again. Its too stressful. Its times like this I wish I had a boyfriend to help with expenses and get a better living arrangement *sighs* but honestly not sure I want a boyfriend again yet...because I kinda like being single, but guys are kinda complicated as well *sighs*

*breathes a sighs of relief*

Been in a bad place this last month due to roommate stress, because he didn't pay his half of bills and now we are behind a month on some of our bills.
So, anyways, I did have a good birthday about a week ago, even though I didn't go or do or get anything and just spent time with my boyfriend.
The last few months I've been dealing with the stress of my boyfriend going downhill because he hasn't been on medicine that has been controlling his bipolar and now as of two days ago for the second time ever in his life, he ended up in behavioral health and is hopefully getting help again and will be out in about a week *sighs* But I've been dealing with seeing him self injure off and on and it triggers me a bit because I do my best to avoid it to make my boyfriend happy, so I haven't self injured since, November 27, 2010, but I just changed that a few minutes ago and I'm happy I did because I needed the relief and control and I missed it, if that makes since.

New colitis pain because I'm stressed? Not sure, but I don't like it :(

I have a new pain that the only way I can describe it is by saying it is, "sporadic sharp and right next to my belly button on the left side." For most of yesterday it would just come and go for a couple seconds, but cause me extreme pain when it showed up that made it feel longer and made me feel sick. Then at 9:30pm it was a constant pain, so I took a couple 500 mg Naproxen and a couple 50 mg Tramadol and passed out in pain because of it, but all throughout the night it was come and go with it and now it feels like my colon is on FIRE because of it and I feel sick because of the pain :(

I'm sure it is from my colitis because I have been stressed so much the last couple weeks from a few family members, even though I don't feel stressed, I guess my colon does and so it is beginning to cause me extreme pain and sickness again :(

I'm just hoping it doesn't get me sick for real because I will end up in the ER again and I don't want that :( I have too much to do and I don't want to be that sick :( Besides they can't do much for me at that point besides try to manage it to where I'm not sick and then send me home to deal with the constant pain.

Sorry, just need to vent because I don't like to tell my boyfriend what is going on all the time since he has his own stress to deal with right now with trying to get on disability and get his car tags updated since we moved last year and they are outdated :/ He can't get a job and that stresses him out :( He owes the IRS money and is afraid since he can't pay them up front all the money that they are going to freeze his accounts to get the money he owes :( Which means all we would have left of his money is enough for five more months of rent where we live.

I guess another stressor for me is also that I have a tendency to horde some things and not want to let them go because I think I may need them in the future for something. Also the fact that I am trying to clean and get organized and downsize more, but since I am a person that cleans in one spot for a bit, then gets bored, I take a break for coffee or a walk, then go back to cleaning another spot in a totally different part of the house *sighs*

At least my boyfriend balances me when it comes to cleaning, because he can focus on one area and get it cleaned up even if he needs to take a break for a drink or a walk.